dedicated to the rest of the internet

Sunday, 25 July 2010

go facebook your . . .

please all honor to vikram singh who promises to be my facebook publicity agent and create a fictitious persona for me.


bear with him if it is all lies.
he's probably leading me on in a facebook-alternate-reality kind of way.
as eric hamilton says there is a facebook dungeons and dragons correlation.  except how scary that there are real people in their advanced years spending their lives on facebook like they didn't hear about THE REST OF THE INTERNET and or the real world.

but this blog is the pre-refutation of the vikram singh ghost facebook.


bc i facebook suicided in 2008 september when faced with hyper controlling best friend photo issues annoying misogynist creepy people and my uncle and uh---guys i like---all on the same little yearbook.


its like when i was like---no. i do not want a yearbook to remember all this torture. thank you.  but no thank you.  i do not want to know about your dog and your annoying relationship and how many cursewords you can string together in new more interesting ways.


i cannot believe you paid for those horrible photos.


or that dress.


i read war and peace okay.  and ulysses.  please respect me here.
i do not want to read your stupid wall.


i talk to people on the bus.  sometimes i talk to no one.  i like that too.


oh but dear vik facebook me out there, facebook yourself to death.  and even though everyone wants to be like super famous, keep it all private and locked up so i can't spy from behind your little accel venture capital drenched white walls of boringness and participatory surveillance.

but i'm still honored whatever the outcome of his postfacebook refacebookification of me.

even if its just all in his head.
like facebook.

my fictitious entity for the retro futuristic linkedin me i created a week ago is so utterly crammed with lies and non sequiturs, i must ask why why why must i facebook.  i am trying to avoid people not find them.  poor sartre would be forced to admit that not only is it true that hell is other people but also they are all on facebook. so facebook is like a dive bar, with no alcohol.  with no amazing music to hide the fact that no one can talk to eachother.  facebook is the awkward moment when i sort of want to flirt with the grocery store clerk, and then i don't because . . . of a lot of reasons.  facebook is like watching welcome to the dollhouse or virgin suicides all day every day.  or watching wonder years over and over and everyone is so special and unique and so clever and sentimental so consistently adding to their wall all day long from their blackberry incoherent unwitty uninteresting things all day forever . . . .!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????

facebook is where boring people go to be secretive exhibitionists and keep it secretly facebooky. and extra boring and bourgeois.


even when they try to be art camp, it is so played and boring and like aha! you throw knives.  you have a gun.  you are a cowboy!!!! hahahah!!!!  now you are a kitty cat!  now you are grooming other primates, with your computer! cute! kindof . . . .


and so artists unleash your facebookiness upon the outer reaches of the blogosphere . . . 
go dada! at least open up your privacy controls unless you are trying to stay really secretive in that underground (yet on facebook) kind of way . . .

they are in a secret facebook world. are they?

yet they rule it.

facebook is like a big boring photo album that you are forced to look at all day.

and it is full of bad grammar and sleazy vocabulary and embarrassing situations.

facebook is like watching other people pick at their own skin.  and then pick at each others.  facebook is a mindless dull suburb outside of myspace which was an alternate reality outside some utopic rave full of incoherent burners.

facebook is the burner in preppy clothes, looking like a gap/abercrombie trying to look hot in baby blue without the excess dye washed out.
it is kawaii without the kawaii.


it is money with no taste.


it is digital mindless bling that makes you look more boring than you are as a sanitization of human existence.


it only makes sense to YOU!
especially if you are not interested in transcending ego pettiness.


yes and it is a place to stalk hot people.
boring.

facebook is like scribd with no literary content.

facebook is so boring i can't stay focused long enough to create an identity.

facebook is where my BF's exlover circulated a rumor that i had AIDS and 4 children and a rich husband. in seattle??????

facebook is where people go to pretend they live in another city on someone's wall so they can be impressively mysterious to random people who barely know them?????


facebook is a place to go to pretend you are a little bit creative, but not too much . . .
facebook is a bumper sticker in the digital smog . . .


facebook is not a place to build your vocabulary. OMG.


evolve!

watch julian explain why facebook is so facebooky and why the facebookers are so facebooked out.

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